I can't believe you voted for someone like that...

PLEASE read this piece before responding to comments like this! (It might save your friendship or job...)

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Right now, emotions are running high as people try to cope with everything surrounding this election. Last week, The Advocate contacted me for my perspective on how to communicate with family, friends and co-workers during these trying times. And just this morning I received a text message from a client asking if I would be willing to provide some advice on election conversations, and how to keep tension down in the office. So here's my thoughts: When I first began my career, back in the 1900's, the proverbial thought was to "never discuss politics or religion" with anyone outside of your home. Fast forward two decades, and we now find ourselves in an information age that begs for our public opinions and thoughts on everything from who's the best doctor for my colonoscopy to who should be the next coach for the New Orleans Saints. Given this level of openess and freedom to communicate, it is inevitable that we will at some point discuss issues of politics-- ESPECIALLY during an election of this magnitude. That said, consider the following:

Know your audience... Before communicating with others on election or political matters, understand that everyone has a different perspective. These peceptions are created based on our environments, core beliefs, and the people we most engage with. So we may often disagree with others--simply because they have a different perspective on the matter. Additionally, many people--sometimes even the most educated--are less informed (or oftentimes MIS-informed) on election or political issues. Which is why we're often shocked to hear the doctor, lawyer or college professor repeating a well-debunked conspiracy theory or outlandish talking point. And to further complicate matters, the algorithms that run our digitally concentrated lives constantly send us targeted messages that reinforce our beliefs and opinions, and ultimately tell us that WE ARE RIGHT, and THEY ARE WRONG!

Listen to understand (and not to reply)... Studies reveal that we spend 60% of our communication time listening, but we only retain 25% of what we hear. In conversations of high emotional engagement, much of that is because we're internally gathering our thoughts so that we can spit out the best comeback to shut the other person down. But in the end, the gaslighting and pontificating does nothing but generate frustration and anger. Know that everyone you meet knows something that you do not know, and every encounter provides an opportunity to teach or learn--which is FAR more important than winning the argument!

There's no such thing as a "private" conversation... Even though we may think that we're simply forwarding a sideline joke to someone who "gets" us, please know that this email can one day come back to haunt you. I tell all of my students and clients to understand that in this current digital age, EVERYTHING can be revealed. So any opinions communicated through text, chat, email, likes, shares or comments should be done with the intention and understanding that the entire world might one day see it.

When all else fails, know when to step away... Engaging in an emotionally driven conversation about differences of opinions can sometimes escalate to a point where relationships are ruined. Follow your instincts, and know when to step away.

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